To the little girl who stole my heart for the first time,

Growing up if anyone would ask me “What do you want to be when you grow up?” my answer would be “A teacher” and when they asked for a “Plan B” my answer would be “A Mother.” It was in me, being a mom was a part of me. I dreamed of having one child, and it being a little girl. A little girl that would be my best friend, who would trust me with the world, and would have the relationship that I have with Abuela. I dreamed of having a college degree, being married, and sharing the joy of being a parent with my husband.

On February 9th, 2015 I found out I was pregnant with you. You caught me by surprise. I was a sophomore in college, I wasn’t married, and although I was head over heels with your dad, we had only been dating a year and he was about to graduate. In my head, it was the wrong time. How could a child (me) take care of another child? I was pursuing my Bachelor’s and since I was only a sophomore, I had no idea what life had planned for me. In my heart? My dream was being fulfilled, life had planned for me to be a Mother. If we are honest princess.. I cried. I cried for months. I cried until I was 6 months pregnant. Why? I was scared, i was selfish, I knew I wanted to be your mother it just wasn’t the right time (in my head), I was young, I had no real career…yet. I was a college student, I was terrified of being your mama.

A blessing in disguise, thats what you were my angel.

 

On October 15, 2015 two days before my 21st birthday I welcomed you into the world. It all clicked, you were made for me, and I was made for you/ You changed my life forever in the best way possible. You have not only made a mother, you have made me selfless. I love watching you grow up. The way you evolve on a daily basis, like crawling, walking, hearing you say dada, mama, and now hearing you say 3-4 word sentences. You have been the gift of a lifetime. I absolutely love hearing you say “mommy” with a smile on your face, even though you don’t need anything from me. I love spending time with you, our cuddles, your dance moves, and everything about you. You have been the most perfect addition into my life from the moment I held you in my arms, without you life would be incomplete. You complete me. You make me a better person.

Baby girl I haven’t always had the answers to everything and I will probably never have all the answers. However, if one thing is for sure you can always count on me. I may not always allow you to go out, you may not always get to sleep over your friend’s house, I may be the overbearing mom who wants to know every move you make, and we may agree to disagree on certain things or everything, however, always know that you can always count on me. Everything i do is for you.

If there is anything that I can teach you that you’ll hold on to forever, I want you to learn to always be yourself and love yourself for who you are. Birds of a feather don’t always flock together, and you should be Alyssa Simone no matter who stands beside you. Life can get ugly and it can be cruel but there is nothing in this world that can change the beautiful girl that you are. You are everything mommy and daddy have always wanted, and there is nothing about you we would change & there is nothing about you, YOU should ever want to change.

In a short 15 weeks, you’ll be a big sister to a little sister. It won’t just be me, and you (and daddy), we will be a family of four now. I want you to know that my love for you will only get stronger but it will NEVER decrease. You’ll have to share my attention, and my time, but you’ll forever be mommy’s princess and little girl. It doesn’t mean mommy loves you less. I hope that even though you don’t understand that right away, that one day you will. I can’t wait to see you be a big sister, l know you’ll love her, care for her and nurture her. You are the most caring two year old I know, and you’ll love the “baby” (as you call her).

Love,

Your mama

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